First, Start Listening to Yourself
One of the first steps toward building self-trust is learning to listen to yourself without immediately trying to override what you hear. Notice the small signals your mind and body are giving you throughout the day. Maybe you feel yourself becoming tense when someone asks you for something. Maybe you feel energized when you think about a particular opportunity. These small and sometimes quiet feelings are our body's way of communicating with us.
Listening to yourself simply means allowing the information to exist before judging or dismissing it. Try asking yourself:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What do I need?
- What am I wanting?
- What feels right for me, even if someone else would choose differently?
- Am I making this decision because I genuinely want to, or because I am afraid of disappointing someone?
Sometimes self-trust begins with something as simple as saying, “this is how I feel” without immediately following it with, “But maybe I am just being dramatic.”
Keep Small Promises to Yourself
Self-trust is built through experience which takes time. Think about the people you trust most. You probably trust them because, over time, they have shown you that they will follow through, communicate honestly, respect your boundaries, and show up when it matters. Self-trust is built on the same foundation. You strengthen self-trust by consistently demonstrating to yourself that your needs and commitments matter.
Starting small is a great place to start. If you tell yourself you are going to take a walk, take the walk. If you need rest, allow yourself to rest guilt-free. If you decide you are no longer comfortable with something, practice honoring that boundary.
The goal is not to become someone who always gets it right. The goal is to become someone who knows, “Whatever happens, I can handle it. I can listen to myself, make adjustments that feel right for me, and continue showing up for myself.”
Let Yourself Make Decisions
For someone who struggles with self-trust, even small decisions can become surprisingly exhausting. Which then leads to a plethora of internal questions: “What if I choose wrong?” “What if they are upset with me?” “What if there is a better option?”
Seeking advice and perspective can be healthy. But there is a difference between gathering information and continually outsourcing your decisions because you don’t trust yourself to make them. So start practicing with low-stake choices.
Choose the restaurant. Pick the outfit. Decide how you want to spend your Saturday. Notice what you want before asking someone else what they think. Then, allow yourself to experience the outcome without immediately evaluating whether you made the “perfect” choice.
Why Self-Trust is Important
The lack of self-trust is often a prime recipe for constant anxiety and low self-esteem. Imagine navigating the world knowing that you can handle all that comes your way, even through mistakes, errors, and hardships. This would allow more space for connection, presence, and enjoyment which is what we all want, right?
If any of this resonated with you, and you are seeking a stronger sense of self-trust, therapy can be a great resource. Together, you and your therapist can better understand some of your fears and worries and start with small steps to make life a bit easier and help you feel a bit more confident.
If you're in the Beaverton area, or are in Oregon and interested in telehealth, reach out to us. We can help.
